One of my bitch older sistersPosted: November 19, 2013 Filed under: history, New England 1 Comment
emailed me just to mock me by saying she got to go see the dinosaur footprints out in western Mass.
which I’ve NEVER SEEN.
I’m telling you: they’ve been doing shit like this to me my whole damn life.
Of course they have. And I thought/hoped painting my brother’s nails with polish and putting make-up on him as a boy would taint him. Even telling him as a nine year old (with the nodding support of my other older sisters) that each five years humans change genders, and that next year he would “go back” to being a girl for five years, failed to move him. He was rather upbeat about it. However my youngest sister, told the same thing at the same age, burst into tears. Or it might have been the whoopee cushion I was waving at the time, which she had a severe phobia of. (Whoopee Cushions and similar-looking things, including bathing caps; but everyone has a phobia of those sexless rubber bald caps.)
Someone who saw a dinosaur footprint and emailed me a picture of it though… family or not, that’s some serious retaliation. You can’t even one-up that, since dragons don’t exist. A pterodactyl skeleton is your best bet now.
OR turn to trolling your parents. Late night prank calls work well. Depending on their type of intellect (streetwise, academic) they may not catch on for months. You’ll need to have the balls, though, to put on a fake sexy voice and ask your mother what’s she’s wearing “right now”. Not a mission for the faint-hearted. (It’s not all nasty; you get to teach your parents how to swear.)