Meat – Plants – Stuffing

I’ve created a new taxonomy of food, I believe it is correct.

There are three types of food:

  • meat
  • plant
  • stuffing

All foods can be fit into these categories.

Questions:

Yes, what is bread?

Bread is stuffing, obviously.

Potatoes are a plant, aren’t– 

Let me stop you right there, potatoes are stuffing.  Fries are stuffing, chips are stuffing, mashed potatoes are stuffing.  Potatoes in all forms are stuffing, you know this.

And corn?

All corn is stuffing.  Most American stuffing comes in the form of compressed corn.

What are carrots?

Carrots are plant.  Boiled, mushy carrots approach stuffing, this is because you’ve beaten out of them their plant nature.  The highest forms of cooking retain the true nature of the meat or plant.  The cooking and preparations of stuffing take wider forms.

What is cheese?

All dairy is stuffing, again, you know this in your heart.

What about ice cream?  Ice cream is its own thing.

I’m willing to accept those who create a mental category called “ice,” “ices,” or “ice cream” which includes Popsicles, sherbets, etc.  I think you’re being dishonest with yourself though if you don’t accept that ice cream is a form of stuffing, however joyful and harmless.

What about fish?

Hmm ok I guess we were including fish with meat but I will allow fish as its own category.  There are four types of food,

  • meat
  • plant
  • fish
  • stuffing.

What is soup?

Vegetable soup?  Plant.  If there’s a potato in there, that’s stuffing.  Corn of any kind is stuffing.

OK what is miso soup?

That is a liquid.

Wait a —

There is a category called “spice,” if you insist miso soup could be a spice, along with salt, bbq sauce, gravy etc, things we eat that are not in the three food categories.

What is a tomato?

Some call it spice, and we respect that, but it is plant.

What about the cheese on a pizza?

Stuffing, as is the crust.  Pizza is a stuffing food, even if it contains some plant (tomato, if you believe tomato to be a plant not a spice).

Evan Amos photographed “Chicken McNuggets

What is a McDonald’s Chicken Nugget*?

Great question, let’s say the answer together on three, one, two, three, stuffing, you said stuffing didn’t you?  Because it is stuffing.

For that matter, some low-quality burgers are in fact not meat but stuffing.  I’d suggest even a 100% beef burger, if made from corn-fed, lot-processed beef, is stuffing.  And the cheese is stuffing, and the bun is stuffing.  That’s why it’s so important to get lettuce on there, so at least you get plant.

In what proportion should I eat these foods?

Look, that’s up to you, I’m not here to dictate diets which I think are VERY personal and person-specific.  But we do feel that being honest about this taxonomy, saying to yourself “this is stuffing, I’m eating stuffing,” keeping track of how much of each category you eat, may be helpful towards establishing nourishing and sustaining and sustainable food habits.

What’s an apple?

Plant.

Apple pie?

Stuffing.  The vanilla ice cream scoop is possibly “ice cream,” its at the very least a different kind of stuffing, but we don’t let ourselves get sidetracked into subcategories.  Short answer, stuffing.

(I’ve got him now, watch this:) Excuse me, what about apple pie?

Stuffing, please leave.

What about my beloved bivalves, oysters and clams?

Those are meat, or if you insist, fish.  Lobster is stuffing, as is any crab whose carapace is larger than a quarter.

What about like a chip, but it’s made out of lettuce?  Some kind of Veggie Crisp?

Plant covered in stuffing.

I don’t think I have any more questions, thank you.

You’re welcome, please enjoy these categories and spread them widely.

UPDATES:

The comments roll in:

Fish is meat and lobster is fish.

Agree that fish is meat.  Lobster is stuffing.  A lobster eats meat (fish) or stuffing (waste, carrion, etc) and turns it into more stuffing.  It does not magically turn stuffing into fish.  Unfortunately, by the way, would be great if it did!

(Getting some pushback on this.  Maybe lobster is meat)

What is a chickpea?

Stuffing!  Look, there’s nothing wrong with many stuffings, especially natural stuffings.  They have an important place in any diet!  My favorite food is spaghetti, a stuffing! (with tomato sauce, a spice/plant).

Hello! Some questions from @ccheever and me: what about eggs (hard boiled or sunny-side up no stuffing/frills)? What about tofu (also by itself), which could fit any of the 3 categories?

Hi Helen!  Eggs are… meat!  Once it becomes an omelette, an egg is stuffing.  Tofu is stuffing!

What about nuts?

Nuts are stuffing.

Ok one more: cauliflower.  Seems like the stuffing of vegetables.

Plant.

What about mushrooms?

This is a tricky one.  Fungi is special.  But I will say 90% of mushrooms are served as stuffing.

 

* Bourdain had many funny takes on the McNugget, here’s one from a 2014 interview with Kam Williams, Baltimore Black:

AB: I think it’s very hard to make an argument that a Chicken McNugget is either chicken or a nugget? If you’re eating unwholesome, street food in a country where they have to make do with whatever scraps are left to them, at least you know what it is, and generally have some sense of where it came from. Whereas a McNugget, to my way of thinking, is a Frankenfood whose name doesn’t necessarily reflect what it is. I’m still not sure what it is. Listen, Kam, when drunk, I will eat a McNugget. It’s not the worst tasting thing in the world, but it’s one of the things I’m least likely to eat, because I choose not to.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Still can’t believe they did this to us

is the Food Pyramid the greatest conspiracy of all time?

This was EVERYWHERE when I was a kid, firmer and more common than the Ten Commandments.

I’m sure there’s a podcast about it, or a Slate piece.

Maybe my new thing will be “mild conspiracy theories” (the conspiracies themselves will be mild, not the theories.  The theories will be wild).


Does anybody else get this ad?

It’s always for James Suckling!  Literally the last thing I need a class in is appreciating wine more.  I’m already at a high level of appreciating, I appreciate it a ton, probably too much.

Imagine being like “hmm I hate wine, maybe I’ll pay $80 to learn how to like it from the computer!”

Although Suckling is a noted supporter of Bordeaux wine, as illustrated by his blog response to a Bordeaux-critical article by Eric Asimov,[27][28] he also has affinity for Italian wines, having stated that he feels Italian grape varieties such as Sangiovese, Aglianico, and Nebbiolo are thoroughly unique.[26] Conversely he has on occasion spoken dismissively of New World wines, applying the term “jam juice”.[13]

Get outta here with that, Suckling!


How Will You Measure Your Life?

Some books give value just with their title.  I’d say I think about the title of Clayton Christensen’s book about once every two weeks or so.  Most of what’s in the book can be found in Christensen’s 2010 speech on that theme.

This theory addresses the third question I discuss with my students—how to live a life of integrity (stay out of jail). Unconsciously, we often employ the marginal cost doctrine in our personal lives when we choose between right and wrong. A voice in our head says, “Look, I know that as a general rule, most people shouldn’t do this. But in this particular extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK.” The marginal cost of doing something wrong “just this once” always seems alluringly low. It suckers you in, and you don’t ever look at where that path ultimately is headed and at the full costs that the choice entails. Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of “just this once.”

I also find myself often thinking of an anecdote about milkshake purchases Christensen describes in the book:

The company then enlisted the help of one of Christensen’s fellow researchers, who approached the situation by trying to deduce the “job” that customers were “hiring” a milkshake to do. First, he spent a full day in one of the chain’s restaurants, carefully documenting who was buying milkshakes, when they bought them, and whether they drank them on the premises. He discovered that 40 percent of the milkshakes were purchased first thing in the morning, by commuters who ordered them to go.

The next morning, he returned to the restaurant and interviewed customers who left with milkshake in hand, asking them what job they had hired the milkshake to do. Christensen details the findings in a recent teaching note, “Integrating Around the Job to be Done.”

“Most of them, it turned out, bought [the milkshake] to do a similar job,” he writes. “They faced a long, boring commute and needed something to keep that extra hand busy and to make the commute more interesting. They weren’t yet hungry, but knew that they’d be hungry by 10 a.m.; they wanted to consume something now that would stave off hunger until noon. And they faced constraints: They were in a hurry, they were wearing work clothes, and they had (at most) one free hand.”

The milkshake was hired in lieu of a bagel or doughnut because it was relatively tidy and appetite-quenching, and because trying to suck a thick liquid through a thin straw gave customers something to do with their boring commute.

Something illuminating about food as something to do.

Understanding the job to be done, the company could then respond by creating a morning milkshake that was even thicker (to last through a long commute) and more interesting (with chunks of fruit) than its predecessor. The chain could also respond to a separate job that customers needed milkshakes to do: serve as a special treat for young children—without making the parents wait a half hour as the children tried to work the milkshake through a straw. In that case, a different, thinner milkshake was in order.

In the book, Christensen also goes on about how parents have to say no very often, and a milkshake is a relatively easy “yes.”

Christensen died last week.

 


New Mexican Food


Pasta, Zen

Going through some photos on my phone.  Some delicious pasta I had downtown.

How about a Zen story?

from Zen Flesh, Zen Bones.

 


Maine and Texas

This one came up on Succession, a fave show. (Had to look it up because I wondered if they were doing a double joke where the guy was attributing Emerson to Thoreau)

Usually I’ll approach with tentative openness the pastoralist, simpler times, “trad” adjacent arguments of weirdbeards but Thoreau here WAY off.  Maine and Texas had TONS to communicate!  Who isn’t happy Maine and Texas can check in?  (Saying this as a Maine fan whose wife is from Texas, fond of both states and happy for their commerce and exchange).  Plus, if Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough, I WANT to hear that, that’s interesting goss!

The “broad flapping American ear” there — a snooty New England/aristocrat attitude we haven’t heard the last of.  These guys are the original elites.  There’s really two classes in America: Americans, and The People Who Think They’re Better Than Americans.  Though they’re a tiny minority the second group wields outside power and influence over the first group.  I’m a proud member of the first group though I admit I have second group tendencies due to my youthful indoctrination in the headquarters of these Concord Extremist Radicals, in fact at their head madrassa.

When you hear America assessed by Better Thans / eggheads, wait for the feint toward fatshaming.  It’s always in there somewhere.  American Better Thans adopted this from Europeans, whom they slavishly ape.  It’s a twisted attitude, designed to take blame away from the Better Thans and their friends in the ownership.

As if it’s Americans fault that they’ve been raised associating corn-based treats with love and goodness!  Or that corn-fatted meat is the easiest accessed protein on offer!  You think that’s more the Americans fault, or the fault of the Better Thans, who manipulate our food system with their only goal creating shareholder value?

Is it the fault of the American that a cold soda is the best cheap pleasure in the hot and dusty interior where they don’t all have Walden Pond as a personal spa?

Thoreau.  Guy makes me sick.

In researching this article I learn about Maine-ly Sandwiches, of Houston.

 

 


Menyosi the glutton

The King [Dingaan, of the Zulus] loved display.  He surrounded himself with plump women, jesters and dwarfs.  He liked to show off his famous glutton Menyosi, who could eat a whole goat in a single meal

from

which I’m finding highly entertaining and informative.  Jan Morris, what a boss.

 


Good food

up in Canada. I’d tell you the name of the restaurant but you’d think it was a joke.


Sandwich I’m still thinking about

BBQ Beef:

When you are at Craig’s you are on the Arkansas Pie Trail:


Tchoupitoulas

po’boys at Domilie’s

There are many famous and intriguing streets in New Orleans – Royal, Esplanade, Canal, Basin, Magazine, St. Claude Avenue, St. Charles Avenue, Chartres – but a street that caught my interest is Tchoupitoulas.

Traveled this street while on my way back from Domilise’s, which David Chang once claimed serves the coldest beer in the world.

Could be!

Tchoupitoulas runs alongside the Mississippi.  There is an enormously long, apparently vacant structure that runs along the river and the railroad tracks.

I asked a bartender at Cavan in the Irish Channel about this structure.  She told me it’s a set of wharves and warehouses, many of them still privately owned.  It was said, according to her, that somewhere under this place Marie Laveau had once had her voodoo church.

based on a drawing, now lost, by George Catlin

“The Wild Tchoupitoulas” were a band of Mardi Gras Indians, who in 1976, with the help of the Neville Brothers and some members of The Meters, recorded an album based on their chants.

Viewers of Treme will recall that Steve Zahn’s character and his girlfriend Annie Tee have a discussion when they move in together about whether they need to keep both of their two CDs of The Wild Tchoupitoulas.

Next time I’m on Tchoupitoulas I’m going to visit Hansen’s Sno-Bliz.


Food scene in Papeete, Tahiti

It is one of the world’s great ports of call, comparing with nostalgic and wonderful names like Rangoon, Singapore, Shanghai, Valparaiso and Acapulco.  Yet it is grander than any of these, for at Papeete the ships of many seas dock right along the main street.  From the stern of a Hong Kong junk to the post office is twenty yards.  From the bowlines of a San Pedro yacht to the bank is one city block.  Without qualification I can say that the waterfront of Papeete, with Moorea in the background, is unequaled.

Yet many visitors despite Papeete.  They have no words strong enough to descrive its shanties, its poor water, the crowded alleys, honky-tonks, bootleg opium, wildcat gambling and rapacious prices.  They say, “You hear about the glamorous beaches, but you can’t find one where the average yokel is allowed to swim.”  Such critics leave in a hurry and complain endlessly to friends back home that “everyone who ever wrote about Tahiti from Pierre Loti to Frederick O’Brien is a liar.”  As a much-disappointed frined of mine said, “Papeete?  What a bust!  Tia Juana without tequila.”
There is much to the comparison, for Papeete does resemble a Mexican border town, not so dirty along the main streets, dirtier in the alleys. To those who insist that all picturesque towns look like Siena or Stratford-on-Avon, Papeete will be disappointing, but to others who love the world in all its variety, the town is fascinating.  My own judgment: any town that wakes each morning to see Moorea is rich in beauty.
So says James Michener in:
More:
I like the cluttered streets and the neat parks, the narrow alleys and the wide verandahs, the jumbled stores each with some one unpredictable thing for sale “En Vente Ici.  Dernier Arrivage.  Campbell Soup.”  I like the noisy poolrooms, the perfume shops, the policemen on rickety bicycles, the Chinese dress shops with sewing machines whirring like mad, the dreadful hotels, the worse ice-cream stands and the happy faces.  It has been aptly said of Papeete, “It drives Englishmen, schoolteachers and efficiency experts crazy.”  There is something childishly delightful about every aspect of the place.  One movie house advertises the Hunchback of Notre Dame as “Supersensational, Archiformidable, Hyperprodigieux!!!!” Whereupon the competition states baldly of Rene Clair’s Le Million: “The best motion picture in the world.”
In Michener’s day it was pretty hard to get to Papeete.  He even discusses how hard it was to get a visa.  But in the early 1960s the French, needing an international airport to service their nuclear test site in the Gambiers, built one in Papeete.
Now Tahiti is a direct flight from LA.  The prevailing winds blow from LA towards Tahiti, making this a pretty attractive sail, easy enough that it’s called The Cocoanut Milk Run.

One thing I was surprised by in Papeete was how much I liked the food.  The market is full of fresh, wonderful stuff.

There you can get a baquette stuffed with meat (pork or chicken) and french fries.

At night the roulettes are the place to be.

Peugot food trucks.

The staple is poisson cru, a cocoanut milk ceviche.  Grilled mahi mahi seen here, too.

Further out of town you can buy a boiled breadfruit:

Nourishing but it needs a little something.  Salt’s a good start.

 

 


Breakfast inequality

saw this on Bloomberg, but I don’t think it really tracks.  Maybe just the specific combination of regular milk, one egg, two slices of toast, and one fruit, an ideal of breakfast we can probably say evolved in Europe, is just easier to get in North America and Europe than it is in sub-Saharan Africa?

As Bloomberg notes:

Bloomberg picked the four food items based on widely available commodities that allow for price comparisons globally. What people across the world actually eat for their first meal of the day varies from egg-and-potato tacos in Mexico City to fried pork buns in Shanghai to cooked fava beans in Cairo.

Damn all those sound good.

In my own experience trying to get breakfast in Latin America or Asia, you might not be able to get milk, an egg, two slices of toast, and one fruit, but you can easily and inexpensively get say pupusas or a tasty medu vada or something.

Still, the point they are going for, worth considering:

The 30 cities with the least affordable breakfasts were largely concentrated in South America, Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia and Africa. Many of these regions suffer from food insecurity, or limited access to affordable and nutritious food, which can lead to additional problems such as disease and even death.

In Accra and Lagos, the two cities with the least affordable food prices, the standard breakfast would take more than 2 hours of work to purchase. The index would show an even more staggering disparity if Caracas were included. However, due to hyperinflation and the complex currency situation, that nation’s capital was excluded from this year’s list.

 


Shrimp

New Orleans heaved a collective sigh of relief when the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) determined that Gulf seafood was safe to eat.  The sigh was premature.  The FDA made its assessment using the model of a 176-pound adult who ate, for example, just four shrimp per week.  Yes 75% of women in the United States weigh less than this, as do nearly all children.  Gulf residents also generally consume a far larger and more diverse seafood diet than the one considered by the FDA…

from this incredible atlas of New Orleans.


Let’s sort out once and for all what Michelin stars mean

source:


Steak fries well done and a virgin pina colada

Christine Baskets room service order on a Baskets ep, catchin’ up.

 


Shake Shack fries

The fries at Shake Shack are what I hoped Micro Magic fries would taste like, in my boyhood:

Anybody ever eat things?  The packaging was attractive.  They fooled me quite a few times.

Perhaps they failed in attempting to live up to an idea of a “fry.”  A fry is firm, and Micro Magic just couldn’t get there.  But they were making a salty mushed potato product that might’ve been attractive on its own terms.

A taxonomy error, perhaps.

Google led me to that image of Micro Magic fries on the website of New Adult Contemporary Romance author Jennifer Friess (don’t know if it’s a coincidence that her name is fries)

There was really a period there where the expectations put on the microwave were insane.  Supermarkets were full of hallucinatory projections of what was gonna come out of the microwave.

 


Quite reasonable

Mark Bittman in Grub Street’s omnibus interview.

 


facepalm

the article that set me off was:

which caused my eyes to roll out of my head.  I was just in Portland, and the food was awesome!  It’s a “foodie paradise” because it’s in the Willamette Valley, on the Columbia River, near the North Pacific Ocean, one of the most bountiful regions on planet Earth, plus it’s prosperous and full of creative and interesting and diverse people.

Seemed hysterical to me to claim it had been ruined.

you’re telling me this place is ruined?

When I first heard the headline version of the story of the Portland Taco Cart Willamette Week Interview Fiasco, I thought “well that’s silly, how far are we taking this idea of cultural appropriation?  of course you can make tacos.”  But when I heard the details it was like oh ok that’s not very cool.

There was good discussion of it on “Good Food” with Evan Kleiman.

Following which I drove around for an hour or so doing my errands and thinking about it.  Sometime later it comes up, shot my Twitter mouth off and RIP my mentions.

Twitter user put my response to McArdle better than I could:

Also gave me more to think about.  I myself took advantage of the easygoing legal rules on map copying in my book, and used Google Maps as the basis for my hand-drawn maps.  It felt fine, although I was surprised nobody protects cartographers.

Because there’s no legal protection for Mexican ladies making burritos who are trying to keep their recipe secret, that’s why it made people so mad.  Kinda think Connelly and Wingus crossed the line, but whatever, maybe they just made an unfortunate remark in an interview.  They don’t deserve death threats for heaven’s sake.  Let’s wish them well and hope they make some cool new kind of burrito in the future that everyone can eat joyfully and without compunction.

Like Austin Kleon points out, there’s stealing and stealing.


Reviews of different milks (ongoing series)

2/5 udders.  Weak, watery milk.  Love the labeling, and “Forager Project” is powerful branding for these times.  But I taste no evidence that God intended for us to milk the cashew.   

A surprising 4/5 udders to filmjölk!  I despise yoghurt, from its name to its texture to its sour bite it repulses me, but a shot of siggi’s filmjölk in the morning has been invigorating and probably good for my guts.

Would love to find some chestnut milk, which Charles C. Mann describes as “ambrosial”!